you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
