No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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