So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
