How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
