There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
