we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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