i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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