Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
