I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
