Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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