And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
