if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
