New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
