I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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