She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
