This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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