Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
