god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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