My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
