If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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