I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
