The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize