yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
