so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
