he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
