you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
