The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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