Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
