somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
