dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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