are you still at the devil's house?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
