I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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