I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
