the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
