the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
