The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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