I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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