yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
