I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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