what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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