its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
