I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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