i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
