I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize