My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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