I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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