So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
