Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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