Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize