Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
