i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize