I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There r osticjed everywhere
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
