I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
