sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
