I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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