I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
