there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
FUCK WHALES
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
