I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
