I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
