He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
