he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
