I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
